You Can’t Get to Heaven in a Miniskirt
(LIGHTS UP)
A darkened, empty stage
A down pool of light illuminates CHARLIE, a 14 yr-old girl, wearing a miniskirt and tank top with a leotard and tights rolled to her ankles.
CHARLIE
(a cappella)
Oh, you can’t get to heaven
in a miniskirt
No, you can’t get to heaven
in a miniskirt
Oh, you can’t get to heaven in a miniskirt
‘cause God don’t like to those girls that flirt.
So, you can’t get to heaven—-
(BLACKOUT)
ACT I, Scene 1
(LIGHTS UP) A Youth Group Meeting
Charlie stands behind a semi-circle of chairs facing upstage. A CHOIR (hereafter named “One”, “Two” and “Three”) are in a tableau of prayer next to a giant pulpit.
ADULT CHARLIE, stands Downstage Right watching her 14 yr-old self.
ADULT CHARLIE
It wasn’t as if I didn’t have moments. When I knew something was wrong.
One, Two and Three slowly cycle through praise, confusion, hope, and resignation.
But they were more like catching something out of the corner of your eye that disappears when you look at it. It was hard to put my finger on. A ringing in the back of my head that would sometimes get louder, and sometimes disappear.
One, Two and Three assume a neutral position. Charlie sits in one of the chairs. Adult Charlie turns to the audience.
We’re taught early on to believe the truth is clear. That it’s obvious and up to us to act accordingly. But most of what we call truths are really just collective agreements. I remember asking my 3rd grade teacher, Mr. Sholpe, why 2+2=4 and he said, “Well, Charlie, that’s math, and math is facts.” Then I asked him who’d decided what was two and what was four in the first place but he continued teaching as if he hadn’t heard me. A week later the school put me into the accelerated learning class. But they didn’t know the “who decided two/four” answer either. They wanted us to make a popsicle stick cabin in a certain amount of time, and I just sat there wondering why. They sent me back to Mr. Sholpe the next day.
One, Two and Three slowly alternate between curiosity and confusion.
Whatever truth is, it isn’t at the center. It’s at the edges because that’s where a tiny stretch of space keeps something from being everything else. It’s thin, and fragile. Really hard to see. You have to look for it. (beat) Anyway, I was talking about the first time I remember thinking something was wrong. It was a few months after joining. I’d stubbed my toe badly on the walkway leading into the youth group building. As blood dripped down my flip flop, onto the grooved concrete, all I could think was I’ve upset him. God was angry with me and he was letting me know through my toe. I went into the cool, dark youth hall, and as my toe turned purple and fat, I prayed and prayed and prayed.
Charlie kneels in front of her chair to pray.
I asked God to please let me know what I’d done and how I could fix it. I knew it had to be bad because hurting my toe was bad. I wanted more than anything to be a ballerina and God knew that. He was trying to get my attention. My mind raced through possibilities. I’d watched Nathan Reede in water polo practice yesterday after school, fascinated by how wide his shoulders had gotten. I also hadn’t cleaned my side of my sister and my’s room like my mom had asked. And I’d had a Ding Dong and a Cherry Coke over the weekend. Any one of those could be it so I sat in the dark praying to the ten foot tall LED backlit cross until people started setting up for the youth prayer group.
One, Two and Three wave their arms and tilt their heads from side to side metronomically.
That was the night I learned the miniskirt song. It seemed like the sign I’d been asking for. As I sang along I looked down at my favorite pale peach miniskirt with my ballet tights rolled up to my ankles. I burned with shame.
Charlie stands and tries to join in their movements but she’s a fraction out of sync.
Unless I stopped acting like a girl that flirts, I was doomed to stub my toe again and again ’til there was nothing but a bloody nub left. I’d never be a ballerina. And I wouldn’t get into heaven. It might seem extreme, and naive. But I was a 14-year-old hopeful ballerina who liked sci-fi and preferred trees to people. I was extreme, and naive. I knew somewhere in the back of a mind raised by my gypsy poet, distinctly not religious mother that believing a stubbed toe was a personal message from an almighty presence was absurd and catastrophically narcissistic, but teenagers are both of those things most the time. It didn’t matter anyway because the back of my mind was no match for the intoxicating mixture of answers and belonging the youth group offered. I’d grown up suspecting I was some kind of alien left behind by my alien family after a day trip to earth. Like a kid lost at Disneyland. Answers and a sense of belonging should never be underestimated. They’re what the church does best.
(BLACKOUT)
ACT I, Scene 2
(LIGHTS UP) A Youth Group, Summer 1985
The sound of teenagers fills the air. To the left of center are two chairs next to each other.
An older teen, REX, is setting up a guitar and a microphone as One greets people, Two posts sign-up sheets, and Three flits around chatting.
Adult Charlie watches her 14-yr-old self shyly enter in shorts and a t-shirt.Rex, spots Charlie and bounds up to her, offering his hand.
REX
Hi. First time?
CHARLIE
Oh, uh, hi./ Yeah.
REX
I’m Rex.
CHARLIE
Hi. / Charlie
REX
Welcome to The VLS!
CHARLIE
Uhm, thanks.
REX
(smiling gregariously)
The Victorious Light and Spirit group.
CHARLIE
Oh, I didn’t know it had a name, name. I /just thought…
REX
V. L. S! Cool, right?
CHARLIE
Oh, uhm, yeah.
REX
So, right this way, young lady. I’ll be your official tour guide today.
Rex leads Charlie to the two chairs and offered her the inside one.
CHARLIE
Oh, uhm, yeah, okay.
REX
You joined at the perfect time. We have some killer camps coming up. You have to go. Sign ups are over there.
CHARLIE
Oh, uh, cool. I-I-just. I just thought I’d come and see but—
REX
Uh-huh, totally. Every walk with Christ begins with a single step.
CHARLIE
Uhm, yeah.
Rex leans in periodically to whisper to Charlie. One takes the stage, clapping and singing (mimed). Two and Three start clapping along.
ADULT CHARLIE
By high school the lines that define us are deep and wide. Virtually impossible to cross. But the church group had drawbridges. Crossing had to be earned but it was possible. For the boys, a desire to know the Lord and walk with Christ. For the girls, the same, but to gain not only acceptance but respect, the kind they don’t talk about, required proof of purity. Within a week or so of joining the group Lauren, one of the older girls in the group pulled me aside to talk in what would be the first of a number of purity hazings over the next six months.
Rex stands up, walks to the stage, and clears the guitar and mic. One (as LAUREN) sits in the chair next to Charlie. Two and Three wheel in a large whiteboard.
LAUREN
As you begin your walk with Christ, what’s most important is the quality of your walk. We have a saying here at V.L.S.
LAUREN, TWO and THREE
99% walk, 1% talk.
CHARLIE
Ballet’s / like that.
LAUREN
The righteous path is challenging but I see something in you. I think you could become an incredible Godly woman. I—
Two and Three wheel the whiteboard closer.
LAUREN
We…want you to have the best chance at being able to fulfill God’s prophecy for you. If you keep this short list of qualities in mind, it will really help you.
Two steadies the whiteboard as Three writes. She soon runs out of room so he simply writes atop the previous layer.
One…Chaste. Two…Humble. Three…Temperate. Four…Trustworthy. Five…Honest. Six…Self-controlled. Seven…Pure. Gentle…Modest…Kind…Discerning, Meek, Reverent, Patient, Discreet, Respectful, Forgiving, Generous, Joyful, Content, Submissive, Loyal, Sincere, Tolerant, Virtuous.
LAUREN
You see?
CHARLIE
Uhm, yeah.
LAUREN
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” – Proverbs 31:30. V.L.S. is going to be your soul’s training ground where you can practice not only the qualities of a woman in Christ, but also obedience to God. We must accept the power, wisdom and light that is our Lord and Savior without thinking we could or should comprehend his ways. Also, it will prepare you to be a Godly wife.
CHARLIE
Uhm…
TWO
It’s never too early to start training.
THREE
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels - Proverbs 31:10.
Charlie shifts uncomfortably and glances at the door.
LAUREN
It’s also really fun here.
TWO
So fun!
THREE
So fun!
LAUREN
V.L.S. is an amazing group where you’ll make life long friends you can trust. We have camps and a choir and we put on an annual talent competition too! (beat) It’s a challenge to become a righteous woman for Christ, but it’ll be the most important thing you do in your entire life.
Two and Three take the whiteboard away. One continues her mentorship of Charlie.
ADULT CHARLIE
She went on to talk about things like dating and the importance of staying whole. She was a freshman in collage, and everyone in the group loved her, so I soaked up everything she said. I let her know I was still a virgin. She was very pleased about that.
One picks up their chairs and starts to walk in a large clockwise circle with increasing speed. Charlie tries to follow in One’s footsteps, Two and Three bring in more chairs, joining the now frantically fast circle.
Nowhere does gossip spread more quickly than prisons, trenches, and youth groups. Soon everyone knew I was a virgin. But instead of being teased, they admired me. It was like feeling the sun for the first time. I passed an important test by just being me. I’d never felt that way before outside of ballet. Soon I was being invited to hang out after bible study.
Rex joins them with a table as One, Two and Three set up a booth. Charlie quickly joins them.
My mom gave me $5 each week for pocket money but instead of spending it on the Little Debbie Nutty Bars I craved, I’d pretend I didn’t have it ’til Sunday so I could order a piece of pie at the diner we’d go to after youth group. Everyone ordered a piece of pie and being able to order one too felt important and comforting. I’d always get the lemon meringue. I hated the meringue part, but Rex liked it, so I always gave it to him. (beat) Lauren was right. It was fun. It felt good to be around people trying to be kind. Not litter or swear or have sex all the time with people they didn’t love. And they didn’t yell or get into fights. The only time they’d venture anywhere near a heated debate was over something like whether Michael W. Smith or Amy Grant was more awesome and if we should play Hearts or Spoons. Or maybe tan bark tag at the park. A few of the people I met at V.L.S. were, and still very much are, some of the kindest, well-intended people I’ve ever met. Make the world a better place types. But a lot weren’t.
One, Two and Three continue playing Spoons and laughing. Rex turns to Charlie.
REX
I spoke to Pastor Ned.
CHARLIE
You did?
ADULT CHARLIE
He did.
REX
I did. He gave his blessing for me to help guide your walk.
CHARLIE
Oh, okay. Great. (beat) Thanks.
ADULT CHARLIE
To guide and to mold from this day forward. Amen.
(FADE TO BLACKOUT)
ACT ONE, Scene 3
(LIGHTS UP) - A bedroom
Charlie and Rex are on a rumpled bed. Charlie is lying down, facing away from Rex, covering her bare chest with her arms. Rex, still fully clothed, is sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. He hands her a t-shirt. She puts it on, trying to hide her breasts.
One, Two and Three are creating a large triangle around them, facing away, reading their bibles. Upstage center is a large digital countdown clock that reads 00:23.
REX
We should pray.
Underneath the t-shirt, Charlie pulls up her bra that’s down around her waist. Rex scoots further away, to the very edge of the bed.
ADULT CHARLIE
I’d asked him if we were dating. He didn’t answer. Just completely ignored me. But after iced tea and chips and two hours of bible study, he said his mother had a really nice, framed picture of a verse that would explain things to me.
One, Two and Three turn to face the bed. They all turn their dusty rose leather bibles with silver gilt edges to a specific verse.
ONE
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
ADULT CHARLIE
So, we’d walked a long hallway covered with pictures and family portraits of people I’d yet to meet, to his mother’s room. That was twenty-three minutes ago. Exactly twenty-three minutes.
TWO
Love is patient, love is kind.
REX
We need to pray, Charlie.
Rex swivels onto his knees, head bowed, elbows on the bed, hands raised.
ADULT CHARLIE
I knew I’d let him down. That what just happened was my fault even though I’d done everything I was supposed to. Oversized t-shirt, loose jeans, no make-up. Everything still went wrong.
Charlie tries to smooth her disheveled hair and zip up her jeans. Rex looks back peripherally.
THREE
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
ADULT CHARLIE
Lauren said it was a big deal that Rex chose me. That I should do everything I could to be worthy of him.
ONE and TWO
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
REX
Dearest Father in heaven. Forgive us our sin.
TWO and THREE
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Charlie kneels, emulating Rex and trying not to cry.
ONE
It always protects,
TWO
always trusts, always hopes,
REX
Forgive Charlie for the temptation she is. We are yours. We are sinners.
THREE
always perseveres.
ADULT CHARLIE
If I could have torn the breasts that seemed to be growing bigger every day off my chest, I would have. I hated them and I hated that Rex didn't hate them. But he didn’t. He resented them.
REX
We will do better, Lord. We will not succumb to sin.
ONE, TWO and THREE
Love never fails.
REX
We promise you Lord. Amen.
CHARLIE
Amen.
ADULT CHARLIE
I remember thinking there must be a secret. Something Rex’s mom understood. I’d seen her at church, and she had a dusty rose leather bible with silver gilt edged pages, and framed verses on her walls. But I knew it had to be more than a list of rules and behaviors and things I couldn’t wear. Be kind but don't encourage, celebrate the body God gave me but hide it so as not to be a temptation, be humble but challenge others who haven’t accepted Christ, do good works but don’t talk about them.
Charlie and Rex start to rewind through the last 20 minutes. One, Two and Three turn away, hugging the bibles fiercely to their chests.
I had the list of qualities and the miniskirt song, so what did I do wrong? When he’d picked me up when I’d asked him if we were dating, he’d said my shirt was too big. That it looked like a tent and made me look chubby. But he’d still pulled it up, and my bra down, and jammed his tongue to the back of my mouth, saying the less I wore the better I looked. I didn't like any of it. Mostly I couldn't breathe and wanted him to stop. Becoming a Godly woman was starting to feel like advanced trigonometry.
Adult Charlie turns to watch her younger self struggling to breathe through Rex’s forceful kisses. She turns back to the audience.
I’m supposed to like him because he likes me. But he’s not particularly kind. He tests me on biblical knowledge, and gets frustrated when I don’t answer quickly enough. He says the Lord chose for me to not be smart but that was okay because we’re all loved by Him.
Charlie and Rex now sit frozen on the edge of the bed, in the moment before things began.
ADULT CHARLIE (cont.)
He didn’t notice I didn’t want my top off or my bra pulled down or to choke on his tongue. It’s like I wasn’t even there. Or, more like only the body parts of me were.
REX
You didn’t understand Corinthians.
CHARLIE
Are you mad at me?
REX
You need to re-read it and pray for understanding.
Rex leaves. One, Two and Three depart with him. Charlie trying hard not to cry returns the framed verse to its hook, and looks around the room.
ADULT CHARLIE
Maybe his mom never actually figured the trigonometry out either. Maybe the rules swallowed her whole, pulling all her joy and hope to the bottom of the ocean.
One sinks to the floor, Two curls into herself protectively, Three reaches her arms upward, undulating them in the deep ocean.
And she’s still there.
(LIGHTS DIM FOR TRANSITION)
ACT 1, Scene 4
(LIGHTS UP) the empty space
One, Two and Three pull the chairs into a circle around Charlie, center stage. They exit.
ADULT CHARLIE
By the middle of my second year at V.L.S., I was even more confused about what I should do. Or say, or feel, or wear. Or think. Or be. The one thing that was clear was I attracted too much attention from men. I began fantasizing about finding a way to become invisible to all the men of the world.
One, Two and Three return with presentation pointers and a duffel bag. They toss the duffel at Charlie’s feet, then face the audience taking turns pointing to different parts of Charlie’s body.
ONE, TWO and THREE
Eyes, ears, mouth, neck, collarbone, shoulders, back, breasts, stomach, low back, butt, hips, privates, thighs, backs of knees, ankles, wrists, hands, nails, hair, skin.
ADULT CHARLIE
An amalgam of parts to either erode or prove a man’s morality.
ONE
A / pivot point.
TWO
Gauntlet.
THREE
Fall from grace.
Charlie begins to walk in widening clockwise circles outward from the clump of chairs.
ADULT CHARLIE
The only time I felt peaceful was in ballet class. By my junior year I was in the preprofessional level at my academy, which meant on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays I’d leave school at one to walk the twenty minutes through my little town, past the library, the Ferrari dealership, and the second hand clothing store, to my ballet school. With each step I could feel the parts of me that had begun to drift, quietly returning.
One, Two and Three pick up the chairs and follow Charlie, their steps synchronized.
ADULT CHARLIE
Joining the rest of me where the promise of muscle cramps, sweat, and blisters provides hours of beautiful, demanding oblivion.
Charlie arrives at her ballet school. One, Two and Three create a long diagonal line with the chairs, then stand at the edges of the space. Charlie replaces clothes with a sweatshirt, parachute pants and canvas ballet slippers. She pulls her hair up into a high bun.
Three becomes the BALLET TEACHER
BALLET TEACHER
No junk, Charlie.
Charlie removes her parachute pants and sweatshirt. Initially she tries to hide her body, but as each piece of loose covering comes off she transforms. No longer Charlie, but now pure movement and music. She takes her place at the barre. Her body is lithe and strong.
Music begins to play.
ADULT CHARLIE
No confusion, no questions, no doubts, no gender. Only my hand on the barre. Tendu, and frappé, and battement. Allegro. Legato.
Charlie dances with abandon, the divide between her and the music blurring.
My body. Belonging to something sacred. Something beautiful. Something that asked only for my body to be lines. And Music. Only lines and music. (pause) I still wish I could go back. If I’d known what was coming, I would have stayed in that studio forever and never gone back to that church.
(LIGHTS DIM TO BLACKOUT)
ACT I, Scene 5
(LIGHTS UP) - The church parking lot
Happy teens and a bus idling.
Charlie stands eagerly awaiting a decision, tightly hugging her worn Capezio duffel. One and Two look at a clipboard. Three is counting kids on the bus.
THREE
We can take…twenty two, twenty three, twenty four…one more!
ONE
How many?
THREE
One!
TWO
Oh, dear. How did that happen?
ONE
Don’t know. Must be the Lord’s plan.
Three joins One and Two, assessing Charlie and the other camp hopefuls.
ADULT CHARLIE
There are two other camp hopefuls with me. They, because the numbers were not counted properly. Me, because my mother, who worked hard to take care of my sister and me without help from our deadbeat father, couldn’t afford the $150 price tag of a youth group trip to Pine Crest lake. V.L.S., and the church it belonged to, fell within the borders of a small, utopian town whose love of aesthetic excellence was only rivaled by it’s staggering lack of diversity and gently used BMWs passed down to 16-yr-old sons. So, my mother, whom I’d begun by this point to anxiously regard as a “lost sheep” incapable of under-standing my walk with God, waited, as instructed by me, at the farthest end of the parking lot in case the bus left without me. I’d told her she could leave. I’d stuffed, sealed and stamped envelopes in the church office all summer to earn my spot. But she knew what took me at least another decade to figure out. If you don’t have the money to guarantee a spot on the bus, don’t think kindness, devotion or any other measure of merit will secure it. (beat) Seeing my mother, who wanted only happiness and good things for me, as someone not worth listening to because she, as they’d pointed out many times, wasn’t “born again” is one of the things I regret most about that time in my life.
The bus’s engine revs. One looks back, waving to the driver for patience. Two approaches Charlie and the other hopefuls.
TWO
Since we’re unable to choose based upon worthiness as you are all worthy, we must simply allow the next person who was in line at 5 o’clock to have the spot.
CHARLIE ADULT CHARLIE
(quiet celebration) (quiet resignation)
That’s me! That’s me.
THREE
Are you sure? Have you completed all of your work study hours?
Charlie shrinks in embarrassment, looking at the bus and her new friends having a great time.
TEEN VOICES
I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river. I’ve got peace like a river in my soul!
CHARLIE
Yes.
The singing voices fade into the background
ADULT CHARLIE
The truth is I had an hour of work study to do before I’d fully earned my spot but the possibility that I might not get to go because I was $7.50 shy of $150 filled me with despair. My fun new friends who liked me and laughed at corny jokes were on that bus. Rex, who was losing interest in me as I failed more and more of his tests, was on that bus. If I could be one of them, just for a few days, I knew I’d take a big leap towards becoming a Godly woman who was good enough for Rex. I had $10 worth of change in a jar at home I’d saved over the past year and I resolved to bring it right away when we got back. They’d see my devotion to being a part of the V.L.S. group. My commitment to my path.
TWO
Alright! Climb aboard!
THREE
(to the other two kids who can’t come)
I’m sorry guys but the Lord must have a plan for you to stay home. Pray on it and he’ll show you why.
Charlie dashes into the bus. The teen voices singing return.
CHARLIE and TEEN VOICES
I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river, I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river, I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river in my soul!
One, Two and Three get on the bus.
ALL
I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river, I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river, I’ve got peace, love and joy like a river in my soul!
The bus door closes and Charlie, turns back to bid the parking lot adieu. “Peace Like a River” begins again but Charlie doesn’t sing along.
TEENS, ONE, TWO and THREE
I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river. I’ve got peace like a river in my soul!
Voices drift away as the bus pulls out.
ADULT CHARLIE
It wasn’t until that moment that I actually noticed the ones who didn’t make it. And realized I hadn’t waved goodbye to my mom. I spent the ride up to the lake not on the verge of fun, sun, and fellowship. Not with a sense of belonging. I spent it wondering why I was starting to change.
(LIGHTS DIM TO BLACKOUT)
In Blackout: sounds of a campfire, a lake, and teenagers laughing, talking, splashing water.
ADULT CHARLIE
Campfire sing-alongs, swimming, games, and hikes along paths where eucalyptus and crushed pine needles smelled like heaven. I’d always drifted towards solitude but I liked being with my new friends. Those first two days, I almost forgot the parking lot and my pathological need to be one of them spreading through me like flesh-eating bacteria. (beat) Then came day three.
ACT I, Scene 6
(LIGHTS UP) - Pine Crest Youth Camp
Charlie enters, wearing an oversized t-shirt over a leotard she’s using as a bathing suit. One, Two and Three are on the dock. One and Three have one pieces swimsuits on. Two is wearing a modest, full-coverage bikini.
ONE
Charlie! Over here!
Charlie waves and joins them, pulling at her shirt to make it looser.
CHARLIE
(whispering to herself)
Please God, make my boobs stop growing. Please God. Don’t you want them to be smaller?
TWO
Okay, Charlie. Marry, Kiss, Kill. Rob Lowe, Ricky Schroeder, Jason Patric. Go!
CHARLIE
Uhm. I don’t know. “Whoever sheds human blood,
TWO THREE
They don’t really die, you know… Here we go again…
CHARLIE
…by humans shall their blood be shed.” - Genesis 9:6
ONE
G.D., Charlie! Okay, how about Marry, Kiss, and … Just Friends?
Rex runs in, holding an inner tube, He launches himself off the dock into the lake. Charlie, One, Two and Three all giggle.
REX
(to Charlie)
Wanna ride?
ONE
Oh my gosh, he’s so cute.
TWO
Go! And take your stupid shirt off.
THREE
You’re totally getting married.
REX
Come on!
Charlie eases into the water trying to keep her shirt from floating up.
THREE
Oh my gosh, is that a leotard?
TWO
Charlie’s going to be a solid gold dancer.
Two and Three giggle. One looks uncomfortable. Charlie tries to laugh it off.
REX
Hey, Sarah, so what’s the difference again between a bikini and your underwear?
Two blows Rex an air kiss. He ignores her, offering a hand to Charlie.
REX
Permission to come aboard, sailor.
ADULT CHARLIE
Rex had embarrassed Sarah in my defense. Proof of his love for me. I liked Sarah but she was a “bookend." That’s what the youth group called the day trippers and summer camp attendees. They weren’t really one of us.
Rex helps her onto the inner tube, sitting her sideways across his lap. She pulls her wet shirt away from her chest. Rex stops her.
REX
Don’t. God gave you a great body. He rejoices in it! You should too.
CHARLIE
Oh, uhm, okay.
ADULT CHARLIE
We floated for hours on that inner tube, talking about God and the bible. I knew more verses by that point and could use them in conversation. I even saw Lauren on the dock at one point, trying to get Rex’s attention, but he didn’t notice her. I had all his attention. I knew I’d regained my footing as his wife to be. I even asked him how to approach my mom and sister about becoming “born again” because I was worried for their eternal souls. He taught me a how to prove their beliefs were flawed and dangerous. His favorite was the simple rebuttal of “absolutely?” whenever someone says they don’t believe in absolutes. When the sun started to set we were still floating out on the water. I knew I’d have a horrible sunburn but I didn’t care.
(LIGHTS DIM TO NIGHT)
Rex and Charlie are still on the inner tube, kissing. Rex keeps putting her hand onto his crotch. Her hand keeps floating away from it. He pushes his other hand under her t-shirt.
ADULT CHARLIE
Shame is like smoke. Decades later you can still smell it in the walls.
Rex stops and looks at her, irritated.
REX
What’s wrong?
CHARLIE
Nothing.
REX
You’re not—I mean—you’re not…don’t you want to?
ADULT CHARLIE
It’s a valid question.
CHARLIE
I-I-uhm. I…shouldn’t we pray?
REX
They’re—I mean-you’re supposed to be—your boobs are supposed to…
ADULT CHARLIE
What? My boobs are supposed to…what?
REX
I mean—you know, your nips are supposed to—but they’re not. I thought you—
CHARLIE
(whispering to GOD)
I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. I promise. I can be better. I can be a Godly woman. Please don't be angry. I’ll do better. Just tell me how. Please, Lord.
REX
(irritated)
Charlie! You’re not listening again.
CHARLIE
I am. I’m-I’m. Not everyone shows it that way—
REX
“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13.
ADULT CHARLIE
What I want to say is those whose fingers are stupid and pokey…are stupid, and pokey. But I just say the first thing that comes to mind.
CHARLIE
And God don’t like those girls that flirt!
REX
We should get back. You go first.
Charlie swims to the dock alone. One grimly approaches as Lauren.
LAUREN
Charlie, Pastor Ned wants to speak with you.
CHARLIE
Oh, Uhm, Okay.
Charlie walks in diminishing counterclockwise circles. One, Two and Three, wait in the center whispering.
ONE
God created you. He loves you
TWO
Be assured, an evil person will not go unpunished.
THREE
You are pure in his eyes
ONE
It’s foolish and fear him who can
TWO
destroy both soul and body in hell.
THREE
A loving doe, a graceful deer…
ONE
The mouth of the forbidden woman is a deep pit.
TWO
If you do wrong, be afraid,
THREE
may her breasts satisfy you always.
ONE
a man cursed by the LORD falls in.
TWO
the immoral person sins against his own body
THREE
is not for immorality, but for the Lord,
ONE
Glorify God in your body
TWO
for God will judge the sexually immoral
THREE
with fire and sulfur.
ONE
their portion will be in the lake that burns
TWO
For the wages of sin is death.
Charlie completes her walk to the center. One becomes Lauren, Two becomes Pastor Ned. Three exits.
LAUREN
Charlie, do you know why we asked for you?
CHARLIE
I-I, I’m…I-I, if it’s because—we didn’t do anything, I promise. We were just talking.
PASTOR NED
Charlie…
LAUREN
That’s not why you’re here but that is something to discuss later. In humble service of Christ I spoke to Pastor Ned about my concerns. All of them.
CHARLIE
Oh, uhm. Okay.
PASTOR NED
Charlie, did you complete your office work study hours?
CHARLIE
Oh, uhm, yes, I-I-I think so…
LAUREN
Charlie…haven’t you sinned enough today?
CHARLIE
Uhm, I think I might have an hour left to do but I have $10 at home and I was going to bring it to the office right away when—-
Pastor Ned holds his hand up to stop her from continuing.
PASTOR NED
Lying and stealing are sins, Charlie. You have broken faith with your group, your church, and with Christ. You were given a chance to earn a spot on this trip. You have broken that trust.
CHARLIE
(trying not to cry)
I-I-I’m s-s-s-s-orry. I’m sorrry, I-I-I didn’t mean to…I thought I could pay after.
PASTOR NED
No. I’m sorry. I think the truth is you thought you could get away with it.
CHARLIE
No-no! I promise, I was going to pay it. I was—
LAUREN
Charlie, this reflects badly on me, too. Everything you’ve done at this camp does. I don’t understand how you could—I just don’t understand.
Charlie lowers her head, shrinking into herself.
PASTOR NED
You’re crying over being caught, not over your sins. For whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much - Luke 16:10
CHARLIE
I-I really was going to bring the money I promise I—
LAUREN
Don’t make it worse. You’ve deceived people who believed in you.
PASTOR NED
You have two choices. You can either be on the bus that’s going home right now or you can apologize to the entire group at tonights’ campfire meeting.
Pastor Ned and Lauren wait, stone-faced.
PASTOR NED
You need to make a decision. I think you know which one is the righteous one.
CHARLIE
To apologize?
PASTOR NED
Is that a question or an answer?
CHARLIE
I’ll apologize. I-I’d like to apologize.
LAUREN
Good, Charlie, yes. If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just—
Pastor Ned motions for Lauren to stop. She does.
PASTOR NED
During group prayers, I will ask if anyone wishes to be forgiven. You will raise your hand, you will stand up and you will admit your sins. Then you will ask for forgiveness. You will admit to lying to everyone, and stealing a spot on this trip, and anything else you have done while here that is sinful. If you do not, I will do it for you. Do you understand?
Charlie nods.
PASTOR NED
Do you understand?
CHARLIE
Y-Y-Yes, I understand. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to—
PASTOR NED
It’s not my forgiveness you need.
CHARLIE
Yes, Pastor.
PASTOR NED
We are clear?
CHARLIE
Yes, Pastor.
PASTOR NED
To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness.
Pastor Ned looks at Charlie sternly then departs. Lauren trails behind peering with chilly disdain at Charlie for a few more moments then leaves.
Teenage voices gathering in a group nearby rise with laughter. They begin to sing “Our God is an Awesome God”
Charlie wipes her face and walks offstage towards the campfire meeting
ADULT CHARLIE
It still makes me angry. My wobbly legs. My voice like a strange, hollow bird. Crying so hard I’m not sure anything I said made sense to anyone. How Pastor Ned hung upon every word. How Rex wouldn't look at me. How he broke things off the next day as I hid in my tent. God had told him I wasn’t meant to be his wife.
That camp marked a pivotal moment in my life. A small shard of self loathing pushed deep into my soul. I wish I could say that night was the last of my time with that church, the burning shame and confusion over my body, or even with Pastor Ned. But there was much, much more for me to learn.
Sometimes I don’t know where to put my anger. It feels like it could fill all the oceans and drown all the continents. Sometimes I imagine all the youth group buildings across America burning to the ground, fueled by the shame of the young girls who attend.
But what good would it do? They’d just rebuild. Probably even encourage the teenagers in the group to help.
As long as the girls didn’t wear miniskirts.
(END)
Bronwen Carson is a physical theatre director and writer. She’s recently completed her first novel, and her next immersive physical theatre play, Sleep, Perchance to Dream, premieres in 2021. www.bronwencarson.com